Butch fem dating
I’m not entirely sure what people mean when they reference “the roles,” but it made me want to define butch–femme relationships for myself, acknowledging that there’s a vast spectrum of how people express themselves as individuals and in relationship to each other.
I assume when people talk about roles, they are thinking along the lines of something my mother told me when I was young when I asked her what a lesbian was.
Butchness is not inherently related to women with women, it's women who present masculine.
I'm bi, a woman, dating a man and an enby partner, and butch. My butchness doesn't change when I'm with my boyfriend, it's not somehow lessened.
I'm not less masculine presenting by being with a man. Those terms are for the "butch/femme" dynamic in lesbian relationships.
You should be knowledgeable in the history of the term (as should anyone who explores identities, or identifies different than assigned at birth), but it's been used by bi and lesbian women, not solely lesbians. This leads to isolation, which brings a whole host of problems.So sometimes that fear of “Saturday night butches” as Leslie calls them in the book, can spill over to bi women or non-binary folks.It’s important to understand the history and why people get defensive and assert ownership.Lesbians are understandably wary of folks appropriating language that has helped build and define a community.As the world has moved towards a more complex understanding of gender one of the things that has loosened the most is what is “acceptable” for “women” to wear (I use quotes because these standards vary greatly between racial demographics and with regards to trans folks).